


Demon Hamster Escapade

by PickledDeath



Category: Hellsing
Genre: Gen, how is that not a tag?, zombie hamsters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-25
Updated: 2014-06-25
Packaged: 2018-02-06 03:08:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1842061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PickledDeath/pseuds/PickledDeath
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alucard has a new child. It's a vampire hamster ... That then creates an army of ghoul hamsters. Chaos Ensues.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Demon Hamster Escapade

**Author's Note:**

> So, I wrote this story at the age of 15 and am 23 now. Full disclosure.

Alucard was walking leisurely down a dirty fog filled London alleyway, minding his own business and drinking his ‘cranberry’ juice. While walking past an especially nasty smelling dumpster, he heard an intriguing squeak. Curious, he ventured towards the rank dumpster, juice bag dangling from stained fangs and a mischievous look in his eye.

 

There, behind the dumpster, was a vicious and evil alley cat that had a small and adorable domesticated hamster in it's most evil and demony clutches. Alucard thought that this was most horrible and unfair, so he took it upon himself to punish the cat and punted it across London to the bank of the River Thames on top of the head of a dedicated priest who would have a religious revelation and would soon become known as "That Crazy Apocalypse Guy On Twelfth Street".

 

"Hello there, unfortunate rodent-type creature," Alucard greeted the dying little fuzz ball of a hamster. "Do you wish to live, Child?" he asked, his eyes glinting evilly. All he got back was a half hearted squeak, but that was good enough for him.

 

"Perfect..." he purred.

 

-A Few Hours Later At Hellsing Headquarters-

 

"I'm afraid you must meet the Master, now, Child," Alucard explained to the limp hamster hanging out of his breast pocket. "I'm sure she will accept you, if you just use your rodent charm upon her," he reassured the non-responsive creature.

 

"What's that, Alucard?" Miss Integra asked pleasantly (in a surprisingly good mood today), seeing Alucard sitting complacently against the wall as she approached her office. "Have you finally gotten yourself a nice normal pet?" she asked, leaning in closer to get a better look at the little tuft of unmoving fur. "Um... It is alive, isn't it, Alucard?"

 

"Don't worry, it will be in a moment," he explained, matter-of-factly.

 

"No," Integra immediately replied.

 

"What? But, isn't he charming?" Alucard whined, pulling the fur out of his pocket and shaking it about dangerously close to his grimacing employer.

 

"I don't want a rotting c- ...uh!" Integra broke off as the little tuft of fur came to life and latched onto the tip of her accusing finger.

 

"See? I told you it wasn't dead. And, luckily, he's not yet strong enough to turn you into a ghoul!" he said happily, obviously happy with himself and his latest creation.

 

Meanwhile, Integra was shaking her finger viciously, finally dislodging it when she hit it on the back of the chair. Turning to Alucard and rubbing her temples with her uninjured fingers, she said, "Not this time! I will not have that, that, that disgusting disemboweled creature in my home!"

 

"But... I'll take good care of it," he whined some more, looking over the lip of his orange glasses with pleading blood red eyes, that had the murderous intent of a median behind them.

 

"Humph," Integra harrumphed. "If you..." she struggled to get the words out, "keep it only in your room, then ... I suppose ... you can keep it," she finally gave in to defeat.

 

"Hooray," Alucard said, unenthusiastically, yet smiling all the same.

 

Alucard picked up his unconscious, un-dead hamster and returned triumphant to his room.

 

* * *

 

Alucard sat the little non-healthy looking hamster down on a table in an underground room. "This will be your room for the time being," Alucard explained to the hamster, hands upon his hips as he critically examined the room. "It's a bit small, but I'm sure as you become more useful to the organization, they'll increase the size."

 

Meanwhile, the hamster was busy lusting after fresh living hamster blood. Alucard didn't take any notice of this. Whether, because he was too caught up in the obscure details of the wall plaster or just didn't feel like dealing with it could be discussed for hours, but I just plain don't feel like it... Anyway.

 

Integra had also done something in the meantime. She had sent her special messenger bear, Linlay, to inform Alucard of the incoming mission. The bear barreled into the room and began to swing his fluffy paws at Alucard's head and chest, which Alucard easily dodged them.

 

Oh, yes! And, while all this craziness was going on, Walter wandered in to fill Alucard in on the actual mission, itself, as Linlay could only attack people.

 

"Hello there, Walter. What's the mission today?" Alucard asked, pulling a Matrix move on the bear as he bent his torso at a ninety degree angle.

 

"Well..." Walter said, only marginally distracted by the twitching hamster on the table and Alucard's amazing and awe-inspiring moves. "I'm afraid there's been an outbreak of ghoul sightings in the Cornish countryside and Sir Integra wishes that you would go check up on it."

 

"Of course! And, in the meantime, I can go and get my hat back," Alucard said to himself more than anything else.

 

"Oh yes, your hat is missing, isn't it?" Walter asked, pleasantly, not really caring to get involved.

 

"Alright then, it's time for some fun, eh?" Alucard asked, all ready for some blood letting. "I'll go get the details from the master. You take care of the Child," he said, walking out of the room, leaving behind a panting Linlay and indicating the frothing fur ball on the table.

 

"Oh dear..." Walter sighed.

 

* * *

 

Walter sat the un-dead hamster down on the top of his bed spread and looked about, checking to make sure no one was watching. Then, with much stealth, he slipped a big pink box from beneath his bed. He gave a few shifty looks around his room to make sure no one was looking," Okay, looks like it's safe." Walter sighed and took the lid off the box. " There's my little babies!" Walter cooed over the box of hamsters. Walter's magical pink box-o-hamsters was his most closely guarded secret. He was the reputable Angel of Death and the bodyguard/butler had an image to keep up! In that way, having his enemies know that he had a deep and loving affinity for little furry creatures such as hamsters wouldn't help him in striking fear into their hearts.

 

Meanwhile, the hamster that Alucard didn't take good care of (as Walter saw it. He was not yet aware that the creature had the potential to become bloodthirsty) was sitting at the door, drooling. Walter looked over at the little ball of joy and raised an eyebrow at this. "Oh, that's right! You must be hungry. After all that time Alucard didn't give you any food!" Walter exclaimed and quickly scooped up the mangled fur ball.

 

Walter fed, played, laughed, cried, and grew old with the hamster. Only not really because this is a fanfiction, not a life story.

 

"Look at the time!" Walter quickly put the lid back on the box and slid it under his bed again. "I have to go and set out Miss Integra's tea," he said quickly, before running out the door.

 

This left the vampiric hamster and the innocent hamsters in the box all alone. 'Hmm...well..he never told me not to eat the hamsters,' The demon fluffball thought to himself. He quickly waddled over to the end of the bed and disappeared under it.

 

'Well...here's the box that Walter had cooed over!' He nudged the lid off of the box and looked at all the unsuspecting little hamsters. They looked up at him with sleepy eyes and sniffed at him." Why hello there my darling meals!" The hamster screeched before jumping into the box.

 

* * *

 

Walter walked into his room and instantly knew something was wrong. For one, the sick looking hamster wasn't anywhere to be seen, and secondly there were bloody paw prints all over the room. 'Bloody paw prints..?' he thought to himself. Then it dawned on him that his little hamsters could be hurt! Walter rushed to his bed and pulled the box from under the bed. What he saw in that box would scar him for the rest of his life!

 

In that box there were little hamster ghouls." NOOO!" Walter cried out and dropped the box, horrified. For a moment, he simply stood stock still with his hands over his face listening to ghostly little squeaky groans.

 

Then, he decided: He would not stand for this...

 

* * *

 

Alucard was relaxing in his underground room, his chair standing on two legs, while his feet rested on the table's immaculate surface. The powerful midian was still missing his hat and his glasses sat on the other side of the table while his long red-black overcoat hung from the back of his chair. He was looking and feeling very relaxed, when his reverie was broken.

 

With a deafening bang, Walter barged into the room, his eyes hidden behind the glare of his circular glasses.

 

"Hello there, Walter," Alucard said pleasantly, looking over the Angel of Death through a side-glance. "Something wrong?" he chuckled to himself.

 

"Where is that... petulant Creature?" Walter spat at Alucard, while pulling so hard on his piano wire that Alucard heard the quiet twang of small bits of twine snapping.

 

"My newest child, do you mean?" Alucard asked, suddenly happily interested in the conversation.

 

"Yes..." Walter hissed.

 

"No, I haven't seen him... Did he ... misbehave, Walter?" Alucard asked, stressing the last few words.

However, Walter didn't have the patience to humor Alucard today and quickly stalked off in the opposite direction of Alucard's lair.

 

"Oh dear..." Alucard sighed. But, being the indifferent and all powerful midian vampire that he was, he soon became disinterested in his own vague worry and decided to entertain himself with a new pouch of ‘cranberry’ juice.

 

-Meanwhile, some great elsewhere in the headquarters-

 

"Oh, little hamster vampire monster..." Walter sing-songed. "Where are you...?"

 

However, the little creature had gained enough intelligence not to come out from his hiding place within the wood. The creepy new shiny quality of Walter's glasses completely obliterated the trust, and maybe even perhaps love for the man. He thought that, perhaps, he would just stay right where he was.

 

"Hm?" Walter grunted, staring intently at a certain spot on the wall to the right of him. "Aha!" he yelled, throwing his wire with an inhuman strength and shattering the centuries old stone, throwing the little fuzz ball into the air, squeaking and squealing. "And, where do you think you're going?" he yelled, pinning the mammal to the wall with yet another strand of steel string.

 

"I WILL HAVE NONE OF THIS!" a voice bellowed from the shadowed depths of the hallway.

 

"Eh?" Walter grunted, pausing.

 

"What's that?" Alucard asked, his head popping out of the door to his room at a ninety degree angle.

 

"I said, 'I will have none of this nonsensical nonsense!'" Miss Integra shouted, coming out from the shadows and standing in full war dress, her special mercury shell pistol cocked and ready to fire at the little rabid creature in Walter's wire.

 

"Noooo!" Alucard cried, as he appeared out of a pool of darkness and snatched up the twitchy little fur ball. "I had entrusted him to Walter, so it is not a fault of mine that he escaped," Alucard explained away, snuggling the hamster.

 

"I do not care why he escaped. I will not forgive the fact that there are rodent ghouls inside the Hellsing compound! That thing must be eradicated!" she yelled, becoming more infuriated.

 

"Ghouls?" Alucard questioned, staring innocently. Then, turning to the suffocating bundle in his hands, he said, "You learn AND work quickly, Child."

 

"I SHALL NOT TOLERATE IT!" Miss Integra yelled, shooting off five rounds of mercury explosion shells at the hamster, but having them disappear into small shoots of darkness.

 

"NOOOoooo! I love him, now!" Alucard yelled, snuggling the blue hamster some more.

 

"And, you didn't love him before?" she asked, momentarily distracted.

 

"No, but I came to see the beauty in him," he said, squeezing the gasping rodent further.

 

"Mmmhmm..." she grunted at him, giving him a skeptical look.

 

"Yes, we have fallen deeply in love," he sighed.

 

"Well, that's too bad, seeing as the creature seems fairly squashed, now," she said, heartlessly, indicating the creature lying lifeless in Alucard's hands.

 

"Oh dear..." Walter sighed, truly feeling bad for Alucard.

 

Alucard sniffed. First, he lost his hat. Then, he lost his glasses. Now, he lost his favorite little hamster pet-child. He had nothing left... "Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!"

 

The End?

 


End file.
